Archive for May 28th, 2008

Memories of a Forced Eviction

I had an overdue baby. Sam is having one of those too.

I don’t know her, but I feel bad for her. A kid that won’t come out of the cave is annoying.

At 15 weeks I almost lost mine. My doctor was sure I’d go into spontaneous labor. I spent 4 weeks on bedrest and the kid stuck. You can imagine my dismay when, 7 days past my due date, that same baby refused to come out. She was, well, stuck.

I tried everything to bring on labor.

I did squats. I walked. I ran. I jumped up and down. At the suggestion of the midwife, I tried to visualize a flower opening up. I yelled, “Baby! Get the ¡@#$ out of there!” Someone told me I should eat spicy food. I tried it. I did, um, other things. The kid seemed to enjoy it all.

On the eighth overdue day, the midwife said, “Induce!” I realized that was probably a good idea. The baby did not think that was a good idea and still refused to budge. I wound up having a c-section. My daughter’s head was like a big, beautiful melon. My pelvis is a shrinky-dink. Unfortunate combo.

There’s no way you can get a melon through something as small and unyielding as a limestone donut. I have no regrets and she was totally worth the wait.

Dinner For Cartoonists

It’s easy! It’s cheap! It tastes good! Come on and play along at home. You need:

2 chicken breasts
1 egg
3/4 cup crunchy onions (I used Wegmans own, but French’s would work)

Preheat oven to 450°.

Crush the crunchy onions (with a mallet, rolling pin or a heavy book) and dump them into a shallow bowl or plate.

crushing the crunchy onions

Beat the egg, also in a shallow bowl or plate. Dip the chicken into the egg and then into the crunchy onions.

beat an egg!

Put both breasts (the chicken, not your own breasts) on a baking sheet and stick ’em in the oven for about 25-30 mins, flipping them mid way through.

With this, I served oven roasted Brussels sprouts.

Trim and quarter Brussels sprouts. Mix well with 1-2 tbsp. olive oil. Spread evenly on a baking sheet and sprinkle with garlic powder/sea salt. Throw them in the oven with the chicken for about 25-30 or until they look slightly browned. Some will be crispy critters, this is good.

No, Brussels sprouts (if prepared properly) are NOT yucky.

brussels sprouts


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